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溫蒂•凡德爾(Wendy Fandl)見過許多孩子在缺乏大人引導(dǎo)的環(huán)境下長大，這些孩子經(jīng)常彼此說些刻薄傷人的話，而且往往不假思索就脫口而出。在如今崇尚說閑話的流行文化影響下，孩子們似乎比他們的上一輩更喜歡諷刺挖苦。

'Kids are struggling,' says Ms. Fandl, who oversees an after-school program at Community Presbyterian Church in Delhi, Calif. 'They're looking for answers.'

凡德爾說，孩子們無所適從，他們在尋找答案。她在加州Delhi市的社區(qū)基督教長老會(Community Presbyterian Church)負(fù)責(zé)一項(xiàng)兒童課外活動。

She suggests that before they say something to or about someone else, they should ask themselves: 'Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary?'

她建議孩子們在對別人說什么或議論別人時(shí)，先問自己三個(gè)問題：這么說是善意的嗎？是實(shí)情嗎？有必要嗎？

These three questions have been around for centuries, attributed to Socrates and Buddhist teachings, and linked to the tenets of Christianity and the Jewish prohibition on 'lashon hara,' or evil language. But now, in an age of cultural shrillness and unrestrained rumor-mongering on the Internet, these three questions (or variations of them) are finding new adherents. In schools, workplaces, churches, therapy groups -- and at kitchen tables -- the questions are being used to temper one of the uglier human impulses.

這三個(gè)問題是數(shù)百年來的智慧結(jié)晶，包含著蘇格拉底(Socrates)、佛教和基督教的教誨，以及猶太人關(guān)于“邪惡的舌頭”(lashon hara)的戒條。然而，在當(dāng)今這個(gè)崇尚刻薄文化的時(shí)代，在這個(gè)可以通過互聯(lián)網(wǎng)肆無忌憚傳播流言的時(shí)代，這三個(gè)問題（或由此衍生的東西）有了新的實(shí)際應(yīng)用意義。在學(xué)校、工作場所、教堂、治療組織──甚至在家中的餐桌旁──三原則都可以用來抑制人類較為丑惡的本性之一。

In Hartford, Conn., Trinity College recently held an event at which students and faculty discussed derogatory language and the power behind the kind/true/necessary mantra. In Chicago, Empower Public Relations issued a company-wide ban on gossip, firing three employees who violated the policy in 2007. In Boulder, Colo., Samuel Avital, a well-known mime artist who studied with Marcel Marceau, incorporates into his performances and teachings the idea that every word we utter should pass through 'three gates,' each with a gatekeeper asking . . . well, you know the three questions.

在康涅狄格州的哈特福德市，美國三一學(xué)院(Trinity College)最近舉行了一個(gè)活動，讓學(xué)生和老師一起討論刻薄話的問題，以及堅(jiān)守善意/真實(shí)/必要三原則的意義。芝加哥一家公關(guān)公司Empower Public Relations在全公司范圍禁止傳播流言，并自2007年來開除了三名違反禁令的員工。在科羅拉多州Boulder市，師從法國世界級滑稽劇大師馬歇 •馬叟(Marcel Marceau)的滑稽劇演員塞繆爾•阿維塔(Samuel Avital)也在表演中融入并表達(dá)了這一理念，即嘴里說出的每個(gè)字都要經(jīng)過“三道門”，每道門都要經(jīng)過一個(gè)問題的考驗(yàn)……至于是哪些問題就無需重復(fù)了吧。

Though it is gaining traction, this antigossip push can sound quaint, especially in a nation that nonchalantly lost millions of hours in productivity last month chattering about Tiger Woods. But kind/true/necessary proponents say that the very pervasiveness of trash talk makes it even more imperative that we deal with the issue.

雖然反對流言蜚語的努力正得到越來越多的關(guān)注，但這種舉動聽上去有點(diǎn)古怪，尤其是在美國這個(gè)地方：2009年12月，大家熱情洋溢地討論老虎•伍茲(Tiger Woods)的桃色新聞，耽擱了數(shù)百萬小時(shí)的工作時(shí)間而不自知。不過，善意/真實(shí)/必要三原則的支持者表示，說閑話的普遍性愈加表明我們應(yīng)對這一問題的緊迫性和必要性。

WordsCanHeal.org, an advocacy group created to combat 'verbal violence,' has amassed a long list of well-known advisers, including Tom Cruise, John McCain and Barry Diller. The group asks all of us to take a pledge that includes the following: 'I will try to replace words that hurt with words that encourage, engage and enrich.'

非盈利組織WordsCanHeal.org的創(chuàng)辦宗旨是對抗“語言暴力”，并已召集很多知名人士作為組織的咨詢顧問，包括影星湯姆•克魯斯(Tom Cruise)、參議員約翰•麥凱恩(John McCain)和媒體巨子巴里•迪勒(Barry Diller)。該組織號召每個(gè)人都作出如下保證：我要盡量不說傷人的話，而是說一些鼓勵、支持和正面的話。

This message is also taught, along with the three questions, at St. Joseph's Episcopal School in Boynton Beach, Fla. 'It's always around fifth grade when students start calling each other names,' says Mary Aperavich, director of admissions. As part of a campaign against gossiping, students made tiles for the school's courtyard, spelling out the words 'No Gossip.'

佛羅里達(dá)州Boynton Beach的圣約瑟教會學(xué)校(St. Joseph's Episcopal School)也在灌輸這三大原則。“差不多上到五年級左右時(shí)，學(xué)生就開始互相起綽號。”招生主管瑪麗•艾貝瑞維奇(Mary Aperavich)說道。作為反對傳播流言蜚語活動的組成部分，學(xué)生們在操場上用瓷磚貼了一個(gè)標(biāo)語：不傳是非。

Other academics also question the potency, and even the legitimacy, of the kind/true/necessary mantra. Efforts to stifle gossip may be naive and limiting, says Susan Hafen, a professor of communication at Weber State University in Ogden, Utah. In her research, she has found that workplace gossip often serves a positive function. For instance, it helps people conform: When we gossip about someone who got fired, we learn what happens to people who break the rules.

不過，也有一些學(xué)者質(zhì)疑善意/真實(shí)/必要三原則的有效性甚至合理性。猶他州Ogden市韋伯州立大學(xué)(Weber State University)傳媒學(xué)教授蘇珊•哈芬(Susan Hafen)說，抑制流言蜚語的努力似乎有些天真和片面。她在研究中發(fā)現(xiàn)，工作場所的流言蜚語往往能起到一定的正面作用。比如說，它能讓人檢點(diǎn)自己的行為。當(dāng)人們閑扯某人被開除的事情時(shí)，能從中了解不守規(guī)矩帶來的惡果。

At the same time, gossip is a social interaction. 'Is it kind? Is it necessary? Those are good questions,' says Dr. Hafen. 'But it would be a boring world if we always had to tiptoe around, being kind. For one thing, we wouldn't be able to tell any jokes.'

此外，說閑話也是一種社交活動。哈芬說，這么說是善意的嗎？真實(shí)嗎？有必要嗎？你可以問這三個(gè)問題，但如果大家都小心翼翼地當(dāng)好人，這個(gè)世界就會變得很無聊。至少有一點(diǎn)可以肯定，我們沒辦法開玩笑了。

More seriously, she says, prohibiting gossip that isn't 'kind' may be a way of 'avoiding unpleasantness, of fence-sitting, of not rocking the boat. If we only tell kind stories about people, then we may be avoiding holding people responsible for their actions.'

哈芬表示，更嚴(yán)重的是，禁止說傷人的閑話也許可以避免傷感情，算是一種誰都不得罪的騎 方式，也不會破壞團(tuán)結(jié)，但如果只說別人的好話，可能就是在回避讓人們?yōu)樽约旱男袨槌袚?dān)責(zé)任。

Concert flutist Linda Chatterton acknowledges this argument, but says she sees only positives in embracing the concept of kind/true/necessary in both her personal and professional life. She teaches flute students near her home in Minneapolis, and when she has to criticize their performances, she tries to be mindful of her own motivation.

一個(gè)交響樂團(tuán)的長笛演奏者琳達(dá)•查特頓 (Linda Chatterton)同意這個(gè)說法，但也表示，在自己的個(gè)人和職業(yè)生活中，她只看到了堅(jiān)持善意/真實(shí)/必要三原則所帶來的好處。她在明尼蘇達(dá)州明尼阿波利斯市(Minneapolis)的住所附近教學(xué)生吹長笛，當(dāng)她不得不批評學(xué)生的吹奏水平時(shí)，會盡量注意批評的動機(jī)。

'A lot of professional musicians haven't had great teachers,' she says. 'I want to make sure that I'm being helpful and supportive, while giving honest feedback.' In certain ways, she says, there's a link between gossiping and inappropriate teaching. 'When people gossip, they're jockeying for social position at the expense of those they're talking about. There are teachers who try to tear other people down in order to build themselves up. I try not to criticize unnecessarily just to make myself feel better.'

“很多職業(yè)音樂家沒有遇到好的老師，”她說，“我想讓自己成為一個(gè)能幫助和支持學(xué)生的人，同時(shí)能夠誠實(shí)地向他們提出意見。”在某種程度上，說閑話和不正確的教育手段存在一定的聯(lián)系。“人們在說人長短時(shí)，通過開別人玩笑來換取自己的社交地位，是一種損人利己的行為。有些老師批評和貶低學(xué)生，是為了抬高自己。我盡量不做那些沒必要的、只讓自己感覺良好的批評。”

Some people say they supplement the kind/true/necessary questions with other 'filters': Is it hurtful? Is it fair? Is it useful? Is it harmless? Will it improve on the silence?

有些人表示，除了善意/真實(shí)/必要三原則外，他們還問自己其他一些問題：這么說是否傷人？是否公平？有沒有用？有沒有惡意？保持沉默是不是更好？

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